As the hot water poured over me, I found myself in a heated debate with my boss. In reality, I was standing alone in my shower, but my mind had transported me to a tense meeting that hadn't even happened yet. “How could you possibly think this project would succeed?” my boss questioned harshly. My heart rate quickened, and I felt a knot of anxiety in my stomach as I mentally scrambled for a response.
Just then, I realized I had been arguing with a figment of my imagination for the past five minutes. There was no meeting, no boss standing in front of me—just the gentle stream of water and the steam rising around me. I had been so absorbed in my hypothetical confrontation that I completely missed the relaxing experience of my shower. Finally, my attention came back to the task at hand: rinsing out the conditioner. I’d completed 90% of my shower routine, the water was comfortable and soothing my skin, yet my heart rate was elevated. This imaginary dialogue occupied my mind for the entire time, leaving me totally absent from the shower experience.
This scenario is one I often find myself ‘awakening’ from, and it captures the essence of mindfulness. Attention is experience. While entertaining the made-up conversation, my heart rate was noticeably elevated, and my experience of showering was non-existent. Thoughts often pull for our attention, and unless we are consciously aware of this, the thoughts will win more often than not. Being awake to the moment right in front of us, the shower in my case, is not inherent. Only once I became aware of myself lost in thought could I re-ground myself in the present.
But then we have to ask, why does this matter? What if the thoughts are beneficial in some way? What if instead of thinking about a confrontation, I was inventing new ideas or solving problems?
The objective is not to become ‘thoughtless.’ By practicing mindfulness, we can train ourselves to observe the present moment in a truly conscious way. For example, if I were showering and recognized I was lost in thought but figuring out a solution to a work problem, I could intentionally let myself continue this thought. The difference is intention. Consciously, and with awareness, I recognize the thoughts. Through this recognition, I intentionally let the thoughts continue. On the other hand, if the thoughts were negative, like in my example, I could just as easily redirect my awareness to the present moment: the warm water on my skin, the soap, the sound of the shower, and the steam in the air.
Mindfulness allows us to direct our awareness parallel to our values. It requires practice and discipline to achieve this, but the consequences of the alternative are crippling. We would become victims to every thought and be mentally absent from the moments that matter most to us.
In a world full of distractions, taking control of our thoughts is more important than ever. So if you are going to talk in the shower, at least make sure it’s a conversation worth having.